Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
