I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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