Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A+ Viking dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
