so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
