People in love make me want to vomit
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
