I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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