also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
