So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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