omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
