rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
