quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I could fuck to npr.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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