My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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