Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
