So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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