and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
