How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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