He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This house was built for laser tag.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
