the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.