Don't make out with my wife yet
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.