how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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