Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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