I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize