he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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