My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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