I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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