Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
