Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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