I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
