Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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