I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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