She's JV to your varsity
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
