ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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