On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
