Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
