Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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