Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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