...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
