so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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