you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
