Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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