Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
