For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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