I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
