Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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