I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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