Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
