Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
