I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
