So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
