i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
