Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
