On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
