Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
