don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
