I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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