i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
