Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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