I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
