An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
