I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
