awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
