New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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