I accidentally had phone sex last night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
