I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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