I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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