Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
