it was like having sex with a tree stump
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
