No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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