note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
