so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
