And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
