So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
