is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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