I could make wine with my vomit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
