i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
