i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think people are normalizing furries
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
